It's been a tough year already!

It's the beginning of October 2019 and I am scheduled for surgery in less than a week.  Nothing fun, it seems I have a mass on one of my kidneys.

This will be the 2nd surgery this year.  I fell in March and tore my right rotatory cuff. As my doctor put it, a quality of life issue.  I couldn't get that arm behind me to hook my bra.  I still can't, but the physical therapy seems to be helping, so it will come.

For whatever reason, this one is scarier. Probably because the "C" word has been used.  I am trying to maintain a good and positive attitude, but it's hard.  My rational self says, "Hey, we've got this and even if they have to remove that kidney, I've got another one!" Then my vulnerable side peeks out and says,"I'm scared." 

I have spent so many years being the strong one, I don't know how to be this way.  My daughters either don't see it or don't want to believe it's possible.  My husband, well, what can I say.  He was the vulnerable one a couple of years ago and now, I'm not sure he knows how or wants to be the strong one.

So, in conclusion, I'm going to paraphrase a quote I've been seeing on Facebook. "Some days, I just want someone to hug me and tell me it's going to be alright."

And before you ask, yes, I know God is in my corner and I will be praying right up until the time I go under and then again the minute I wake up, but I need you to do that part for me while I'm out.  Okay?  Thanks.